THOUGHTS: Are you Boring? Take the Boring Quiz and find out.

Compiled by an expert

Me with my glasses on to look like an expert

Since the title of expert can be owned by anyone these days I’m owning it. I have a Foundation degree in Life Coaching – I know, it makes me laugh now too. I have no idea what it means really. I’m quite positive I suppose and that’s usually helpful if people want to talk about themselves. I think of it a bit like proactive counselling. Instead of “How do you feel about that?” I always want to ask, “What are you going to do about that?” I am also honest if people ask for my opinion, that’s not always helpful – lets just say that results vary.

Having had a few years where my opinion seems to differ greatly from most of the people who were previously known as friends, I spent too much time trying to explain things to people who absolutely did not want to know. But how much time should we spend on talking about things that we are passionate about and do we know when to stop?

First, lets get the worst over with.

Could you be a boring person?

How do you feel about yourself in your day to day life? Do you feel bored of your life? Do you ever feel bored? Are you are narcissist? Always talking about your problems? Not enthusiastic about life? No opinions? Not being yourself just trying to impress? No sense of humour? Having more than one of those traits, I’m so sorry to break the news to you….

If someone is not interested in anything other than the story of their day to day existence and the narrative that is forced upon us by the culture we are born into then it’s quite possible they are boring.

I sometimes feel bored of myself when I realise that I have been just binge watching something for 3 hours. But otherwise I just don’t get bored. There is always something exciting to read or just going out for a walk engages my brain instantly in new and exciting possibilities and inspiration. I urge you to explore Boredom. Don’t fill a bored space by picking up your phone or browsing the internet, see what it feels like to do nothing, allow your brain to go it’s own way. I find that a moment of boredom if left to brew on it’s own soon results in creativity. If it doesn’t then I’m sorry to break it to you … again …...

Am I boring someone else?

How do we tell? Sometimes, if I am passionately interested in a subject I know I can ramble on – all excited at my new thoughts or discoveries only to look across at my partner and realise that he has had enough of the particular topic. He is a very patient man and a kind person but I can just tell he has had enough. So what are the clues?

Clue: Look for facial expressions and body language.

Clue: Are they responding and asking questions for more information?

Clue: Have they just gone completely silent with no affirming nods or verbal encouragement?

Clue: Are they actively changing the subject at every opportunity?

Now take the quiz!

My husband when I have been conspiracy theorising for too long

Quiz

1. Do you talk about your job in detail? Yes score 3 * No score 0

*If you are an astronaut/ deep sea diver/ work in the sewers of a major city/ or any other place that humans don’t often go then you can reduce your Yes score to 1.

2. Do you talk about your health in detail? Yes score 3 * No score 0

* If your conversation partner shares the health problem then you can reduce your Yes score to 1. If you are over 80 then also reduce your score as you get a bit more kindness allowance.

3. Do you talk about your family in detail? Yes score 3 * No score 0

*If you are talking to another family member you can reduce your Yes score to 1.

4. Do you talk about a particular hobby obsessively?

Yes score 3 * No Score 0

* If your conversation partner shares the hobby you can reduce score to 1. If you met your conversation partner doing that particular hobby then you can reduce yes score to 0.

5. Do you talk about politics/ the news/ current events/ narrative or anti narrative topics obsessively? Yes score 3 * No Score 0

* If your conversation partner is open to questioning their conditioned beliefs then you can reduce your yes score to 1, just be careful and observe. Or you can refer them to The Global Truth Network. (link) and let them do their own work.

6. Do you listen fully to what your conversation partner is saying*?

Yes score 0 No score 3

* If you are thinking of your response to what they are saying while they are speaking then you are not actively listening.

7. Do you talk constantly about people that your conversation partner does not know well or has never met? Yes score 3 No score 0

8. Do you talk about strangers or celebrities lives?

Yes Score 3 * No score 0

* This is known as gossip. It is the ultimate in boring and is usually the most boring of people who like it.

9. During a discussion in which you disagree with your conversation partner are you constantly interrupting them or talking over them?*

Yes score 3 No score 0

* If you do it occasionally then score yourself honestly between 1 and 2

10. Are you an anxious person who feels awkward during silences?

Yes score 3 No score 0

RESULTS

The score doesn’t matter – I just wanted you to consider the questions. It is easy for us to get so obsessed with a topic that we get tunnel vision and think everyone should be interested in what we are saying.

Being a person who suffers with anxiety I can understand how people sometimes talk in detail and too much because they are anxious about the silences. To me a silent person isn’t necessarily boring but that’s because silence doesn’t bother me. Also, for me, it isn’t people who cause my anxiety so my chatter is from an over active brain rather than the need to fill the silence. In it’s most extreme form this is called Forced Speech and is often a diagnosis that comes with bipolar but in a lesser form I believe that anxious people can often feel the need to be talking rather than listening, they feel that this gives them a type of control of the situation.

Anxiety is often found in people who want to have control of life, it works as a vicious circle. The need to control life (which is impossible) results in anxiety and anxiety often creates the need to control a situation so that we can lessen the unexpected which causes the anxiety. If I am in a people situation in which I feel any anxiety I prefer the method of asking them about themselves and sitting back, listening and asking appropriate questions. People do love to talk about their lives and I usually find something that I can be interested in for a brief conversation at least. Diversity in how and what we think is interesting.

Just because you might think that train spotting is boring doesn’t mean that the obsessed train spotter is a boring person. I think that anyone who is passionate about something is engaging with life and is therefore not a boring person. However, that does not mean that I have to find their subject interesting. Many years ago I did some experiments on this by going to a series of free lectures – who can resist a free lecture! There were some that had subject matters I was looking forward to hearing about but I was more intrigued by the ones that I thought were subject matters I had no interest in, and actually felt quite adverse to. Could the lecturer engage me with a subject that I yawned at the thought of?

Two in particular stood out – one was football and one was maths. (Apologies to all those who love these subjects!!) I can’t remember huge amounts about them to be honest but I listened actively, I used my brain to fully understand what they were talking about and I was engaged and interested in both lectures. So here is a clue. It isn’t the subject necessarily – the lecturers were both fun and interesting and knew how to engage their audience – that doesn’t mean that I would be interested if I had been out to dinner and they had gone on about the subject for several hours – I have no idea what my boredom threshold would be.

However, talking in a monotone – adding too much trivial detail – being too slow to get to the point of a story – and not being aware of how a natural to and fro of good conversation works, these are ways of being boring that we should all check ourselves for sometimes. If you want to you can be patient and relax and give people time, entirely your choice.

In a natural conversational flow one side will hit the subject over to the other side and give them a turn to say something and hit the conversation back. If your conversation partner is given the chance and hits the talk in a new direction then there is a chance they have had enough of the current subject. If you are monopolising the conversation then you are not even giving them the chance to let you know subtly that it is time for a new topic.

What to do if you find yourself in a boring conversation for too long?

If you have tried all the subtle hints, changing the topic of conversation a few times, going quiet and not engaging, going to sleep etc. Then you may need something more drastic to get you out of the situation.

The kindest way is to tell a lie and just get the hell out! You had something else you absolutely have to go and do. Even better make sure that you limit your time from the beginning and decide how long you are willing to give them.

I am not sure you can make a boring person engage in life but you can let a person know they are boring you? Yes. And if you have a good relationship you should.

My son and I have chosen to say to each other “Hold on. Let me stop you right there.” and then not follow this statement up with anything else. But I think you have to have a pretty honest relationship with someone for this to be considered humorous and not upset the other person’s ego. We both think it’s hilarious of course and it reminds us that even though we engage in excellent and wide ranging conversations - we can all be boring sometimes.

I have no idea why I find this topic so interesting!

Disclaimer: I just want to reassure readers that I do not find cats boring - I rather like them actually. I just went with a theme because the pictures were more interesting than the ones of humans looking bored. If you are unsure what a bored face looks like just google it. If you recognise that look in your friends then I’m sorry to break it to you…….